Abuse is…
‘the misuse of power and control by one person over another.’
It could include…
– calling you names – not giving you money – hitting – punching – stopping you from seeing friends and family – telling you what to wear – threatening you, your loved ones or pets – humiliating you – not allowing you out alone – locking you in – threatening to take your children – many other forms of abuse. 
Kelly’s story –
‘My boyfriend had never been very nice to me, calling me fat and making me feel stupid. He was often very jealous if I went out or spoke to other guys. He’d had a hard time growing up so I felt sorry for him. He had been violent in the past, but I thought it was partly my own fault for winding him up. You helped me see it wasn’t my fault and that I deserve better.’
Sarah-Ann’s story –
‘I split up with my boyfriend when I became pregnant. I didn’t want him around the baby because he could get violent. He didn’t leave me alone so I called SAFE. They went with me to a solicitor and explained all the legal options. They worked out a plan for keeping me safe. I now have support from them, the police and social services so I don’t feel so alone.
The following questions might help identify some of the unhealthy characteristics of your relationship, although it doesn’t cover every situation. You may want to share this with a Young People's Worker and talk about where you want to make changes in your relationship and how you can begin to do this.
| Does my boyfriend/ girlfriend ever… | Always | Sometimes | Never |
| Threaten to hurt me? | |||
| Make all the decisions for us both? | |||
| Put pressure on me to have sex? | |||
| Put me down or call me names? | |||
| Dislike me going out with my friends? | |||
| Threaten to hurt themselves if we split up? | |||
| Play mind games with me? | |||
| Look through my phone without permission? | |||
| Slam doors or break things? |
If you have answered ‘always’ or ‘sometimes’ to any of these questions, they are a warning sign of abusive behaviour in your relationship. It’s not your fault, you’re not alone. SAFE can help. Even if you have answered ‘never’ to these questions, your relationship could still be abusive. If you are unsure or would like some advice – get in touch – we can offer support.
Jen’s story
‘I started seeing Cara when I was 19. She was older than me and my first girlfriend. I didn’t want everyone to know I was seeing her so I only told my best friend. Things started to go wrong when I wanted to see my friend more and go out with her- she was really possessive. She would threaten to tell my family about us if I didn’t do what she asked. She physically hurt me several times, but I didn’t want to tell anyone. I thought they wouldn’t believe me or would treat me differently because I was going out with a girl. At SAFE they offered me confidential support and gave me the courage to make my own decisions without her bullying me.’